Couples looking to add a playmate into the mix can sometimes be difficult. This tends to be true especially when it comes to looking for a single woman to play with. So why is it easier for some couples and harder for others? What’s the secret? You’ll be pleased to know that these “secrets” are actually quite simple! Here’s how to hit on other couples and singles as a unit, without being creepy!

Get clear about your desires
Success in finding playmates begins way before you engage in play. It begins with plenty of communication and negotiation between the two of you and about being really clear about what you want and what you don’t want.

Are you open to other couples, single men, or single women? All of the above? What kind of play are you looking for? (“Same room” usually means playing only with your own partners but in the same room as others, “soft swap” means hand sex and/or oral sex, and “full swap” means vaginal penetration.) Do you have enough crossover of “type” that you’ll be able to find people who appeal to both of you? Do you strictly only come as a unit, or are you open to playing separately? These are all questions worth discussing.

Approach people as people, not as potential conquests
If you were single, you’d be put off if someone just walked up to you and said, “do you want to have sex?” wouldn’t you? It’s exactly the same in the lifestyle. Just because people may be open to casual and group sex, does not mean they want to be objectified! Your place to play is a place to mingle with other like-minded people, not a meat market.

Approach people socially first. “Hi, I’m [name] and this is my partner [name]” is a no-fail opening line. Chat about whatever topics are interesting to you – if you’re stuck for topics of conversation or shy, try asking if it’s their first time on an adult holiday or where they are from. Worst case scenario, even if there’s no chemistry you might have an interesting conversation with some friendly people. Best case scenario, that conversation could lead to something more.

Be aware of body language and physical space
Try not to position yourselves in such a way that the other person or people feel trapped. This means trying not to have them in a corner or against a wall without a clear path to an exit. This doubly applies if you are a couple hitting on a single person. Don’t get into someone’s personal “bubble” until you have obtained explicit consent to do so. And be aware of your body language so that you do not inadvertently come across as threatening. Make plenty of eye contact, use open and receptive body positioning, and remember to smile!

Initiate physical contact, but ask first
Consent is sexy. And it’s not just for explicitly sexual acts! So, by all means initiate physical contact with the person or couple in front of you but ask first. If you go to put a hand on someone’s arm or your arm around their shoulder, a simple “is it okay to touch you?” can go a long way. If things do go further, also ask before kissing someone and – of course – before any kind of sexual contact. Consent doesn’t ruin the mood. It ensures that everyone is enjoying the same fun, playful vibe.

Making the ask
So, you’re chatting away, and you think you sense some chemistry. But how do you move things on from there? The best way is simply to ask politely and in a tone that makes it clear that there is no expectation of getting a yes. Try these lines on for size: “We think you’re attractive and we’d love to play with you. Would you be interested?” “What are you looking for here? We’re open to play and think you’re really cute if you’re into that!”

Accept a no gracefully
Your reputation matters! If you get a reputation for being pushy or aggressive when someone says no, word will soon get around. (It’s also worth noting that all the holidays and cruises featured on our website operate strict codes of conduct and no always means no). But it works the other way around as well! Think about it: if someone mentions your names as potential interests, would you rather the person who rejected you was saying “they’re really friendly and seem good with boundaries,” or “oh, them? They got all gross and pushy when I said no to them”? Exactly.

These tips do not guarantee that you’ll get all the play you want, but they should stop you from coming across as creepy…And that is half the battle to finding plenty of hot people who want to have fun with you.