If you’re considering booking one of our holidays (or maybe already have), you might be wondering what the rules of adults-only and sex-positive spaces and holidays are. I often meet nervous new couples who are afraid they’ll step on some toes by not knowing all the etiquette.

But the rules aren’t complicated! You can and should peruse the Temptation Holidays Rule Book, which covers what you can expect and what is expected of you. Here I’ve considered what I believe to be the most important points of etiquette and conduct. Follow these, and you can’t go far wrong!

CONSENT

This is the absolute number one consideration and the first rule you must always follow. Ask before touching someone. This includes non-sexual touch and contact such as hugs. This applies doubly to any kind of sexual contact. No, of course, always means no. You should not attempt to pressure, bully, cajole or otherwise persuade someone into changing their mind if they have said no.

Remember: only an enthusiastic yes, or clear non-verbal signal of the same, means yes. The absence of a no is not consent. Nudity is not consent. People playing in your vicinity is not consent. And consent to one action does not imply consent to anything – or everything - else.

Needless to say, do not ever try to include resort staff in your intimate activity. This is grounds for immediate dismissal for them and is not an appropriate way to treat the people who are there to make sure you have a fun and relaxing time. Remember: they’re at work!

PRIVACY

Many of the people you will meet on your trip will not be “out” to their family, friends or the world at large about their involvement in this lifestyle. Privacy is extremely important and the taking of photographs or video is strictly prohibited.

Similarly, never “tag” someone you met at a lifestyle event in any posts on social media alluding to it, unless they have explicitly said this is okay. You may be open with your lifestyle choices, which is great but not everybody is in the same position so please remember and respect this!

INCLUSION

Most people go on adult lifestyle holidays as a couple with their spouse or partner. When you’re meeting people, it’s really important to be inclusive and welcoming towards both members of a couple.

If I'm at an event with my partner, I consider it the height of rudeness if someone chats me up and ignores him while he's right next to me – and this happens more than you would often think.

Some couples have rules that permit them to play separately with others, while others strictly do everything together. If you want to do something with someone separately, by all means ask – but be prepared to hear a no and accept it with good grace.

Similarly, try to be courteous and friendly with everyone. Making like-minded friends is a big part of the appeal of the adult lifestyle. If you only gravitate towards the people of your preferred gender(s) that you find attractive, people pick up on it and it’s very off putting.

SUBSTANCES

Most of us like to have a drink! One of the delightful things about Temptation Holidays is the all-inclusive packages, where you can enjoy as much of the wonderful food and drink as you like. However, it’s important to know your limits and keep within them. Being falling-down drunk is not a good look! It can also impede your judgement and your ability to get and give meaningful consent. Additionally, being drunk is never an excuse for poor behaviour.

Temptation Holidays, like most adult lifestyle hosts and venues, have a strict policy against all illegal drug use.

SAFER SEX

If you’re going to be engaging in sex with people other than your primary partner, safer sex is absolutely essential.

Using a condom for vaginal or anal sex should be assumed as a default minimum standard. Men, I’m talking to you here! Do not make someone ask you to wear a condom! Always assume you should and never try to get out of it.

Remember that safer sex doesn’t begin and end with condoms. It’s also possible to transmit an STI through oral sex or (more rarely) manual sex. Using barriers such as dental dams or gloves is a good way to mitigate this risk. You should also use barriers on sex toys if you’re sharing them between multiple partners.

Everyone has different standards of acceptable risk and you should default to the standards of the most risk-averse person in your session. This means that if you’re okay with just condoms but someone else also wants to use gloves and dams, guess what? You’re using gloves and dams. Being open about your sexual health status (I recommend going for a test two to three weeks before your trip, to give you time to get your results) is key and negotiating safer sex practices ahead of play is strongly encouraged.

APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR FOR APPROPRIATE VENUES

Even on clothing-optional resorts, some areas may insist that clothing is worn. Restaurants, for example, tend to require you to be dressed. Refer to the rules of your particular resort or cruise for specifics.

Similarly, do not assume you can have sex just anywhere. Most venues will have a “no sex in public spaces” rule, or at least a “no sex in certain spaces” one. Again, refer to your resort or cruise’s rules, and follow them. They are there for everyone’s comfort and safety.

In closing, remember…

  • Consent first, last and in all things.
  • Practice safer sex and sensible alcohol use.
  • Follow the resort rules and instructions from staff.
  • And of course, have an amazing time!