How the Adult Lifestyle Can Strengthen Your Relationship
One of the most enduring and unfortunate myths surrounding consensual non-monogamy and adult lifestyle relationships is that it’s primarily populated by couples in failing relationships. Just recently, I heard the expression “polyamory is just slow divorce.” Ouch!
Actually, this is largely untrue. People who have been in the lifestyle for a while know that opening a relationship in order to save it is unlikely to work, but that a more open style of relating can make a good relationship even stronger. There’s even copious scientific evidence that many open couples are just as happy, and often happier, than their monogamous counterparts (1). The reasons for this are, of course, complex and varied – and depend very much on the people involved. Here are just a few ways in which exploring this lifestyle might be just the thing your relationship needs to give it a little boost.
Sharing adventures keeps love and excitement alive
One of the best things about a new relationship is the rush of excitement at experiencing so many things for the first time with that new person. In a long-term relationship, the initial frisson of excitement typically fades to a more low-key, sustainable and comfortable love. But sharing adventures and experiencing new things together is a really key part of keeping the spark alive in your relationship. Whether you’re visiting a nudist resort, having sex in front of other (consenting) people, practising soft-swing, or going all out at a play resort, the lifestyle is a haven of new experiences. Sharing and delighting in them together can bring you closer to each other.
You learn more about your desires – and your partner’s
Having sex with other people, watching other people have sex, or even just seeing a wide range of naked bodies in an accepting environment can all awaken you to desires you didn’t know you had. Perhaps your new lover has a kink that you didn’t know you shared but are super intrigued by. Or maybe that couple over there are using a position you’ve never seen before, but looks really fun. Perhaps you’ve always thought you were into brunettes, but that redhead over there has caught your attention and you can’t look away. And so on. You’ll discover new things, and new types of people, that you’re into – and your partner will do the same. Whether you explore these desires with other people or just bring them back to spice things up in your own bedroom is up to you.
You learn how to manage difficult feelings and communicate clearly
There’s no escaping it – in this lifestyle, difficult feelings and conflict will occasionally arise. You might feel insecure, jealous or left out, or it might be as simple as you wanting to go out and party one evening while your partner would rather stay home on the sofa with a glass of wine. To be successful in the open life, conflict-management and communication skills are vital. Hopefully, by learning how to handle things well when they’re relatively small-stakes, you’ll be prepared for it and weather the storm if a really big issue does come along. Communication – and its siblings, compassion and compromise – are at the heart of continued success in your relationship.
You’ll build your confidence
Confidence is sexy, and security and a strong sense of self-worth make for stronger relationships. The adult lifestyle is great for building your confidence – you’ll get to dress up in your sexiest outfits and meet all kinds of people who think you’re hot as hell! And then you can bring that newly found self-love home to your partner.
It can take the pressure off
Do you have a kink, fetish or sexual need that your partner can’t fulfil? Maybe one of you is bisexual, and feeling the need to explore playing with people of different genders to your partner. Monogamy comes with a certain level of built in pressure to be everything to your partner – and this can come with a hefty degree of guilt if you can’t meet some of their needs for whatever reason. Exploring in an open and ethical way relieves this pressure, as it allows everyone to get their needs met and explore their interests – no cheating, lies or deception required! You're much less likely to worry that your partner will leave you or cheat on you if they have freedom to explore their desires honestly and still come back to you at the end.
Is the lifestyle a cure for all relationship woes? Absolutely not. But if you’re in a strong place together and looking for some new experiences, a little spice or something to enhance your already amazing connection, we at Temptation Holidays might just have the adventure you’re seeking.